Overview

The information contained in this report represents the thoughts compiled during the course of many long late-night conferencing sessions between the love guru and his wonderful, incredibly intelligent, not to mention HILARIOUS assistant, Alaylam. The files are educated suggestions designed to control looooooooove’s rightful course (and naturally, being asked to prom is ON that course, duh).

Operation L2P is effective immediately.

Prepare yourself young one for this is the challenge you have been seeking.

*insert Star Wars theme here*

Procedure

STEP ONE

Boys like advances in technology. Consider investing in new electronic toys to attract said boy to your house.

Use lines such as: “I just bought a new Playstation 2, come press my buttons,” or simply “Come play with my gadgets.”

Other phrases with not-so-hidden meanings would also be extremely appropriate.

When said boy arrives, be sure to have a fridge full of munchies and soda. He’ll be hungry a lot. Boys usually are. Twinkies and Joe Louis are best.

While he’s playing video games, forget any chance of dropping subtle hints about your feelings. In a boy’s video-game-mindset it would take a skit using big fuzzy puppets for him to notice you, let alone hear or understand what you’re saying.

If Step ONE of Operation D2P has been completed, move forward to Step TWO.

STEP TWO

Some boys like to be pierced or tattooed in several places. What would say “Ask me to your prom!” more than matching tattoos or earrings?!

A really fun way to spice up this idea is to create a game of tattoo-hangman on your arm. Have him guess letters. Every time he is wrong, tattoo another body part onto the hangman! The message on your arm will eventually read “Ask me to your prom”. How could he NOT?!

A boy’s attitude towards the WWF is very similar to that of a video game. Apparently watching people being body-slammed captivates their attention. In order to tear his eyes away from the TV, dress up like his favourite female wrestler. Ask him to body slam you. He’ll find this very sexy.

If Step ONE and TWO of Operation D2P have been completed, move forward to Step THREE.

STEP THREE

The time has come to romance the boy. Cook a nice meal that consists of take-out pizza and Pepsi. Light candles. Make sure he avoids wearing hairspray. You don’t want a flammable prom date now do you?

This is the final step in making him yours. If all else fails, resort to the Emergency Procedure below.

EMERGENCY PROCEDURE

This procedure calls for drastic measures. Do NOT, I repeat do NOT use this method unless previous attempts of Operation L2P have failed.

The most effective way to manipulate said boy’s mind is to practice the ancient art of voo-doo. Find a doll that resembles the boy. Be sure to dress it in the kinds of clothes he wears, and most importantly, for god's sake give it some hair! But please be sure to leave some bald patches to facilitate the shoving of needles into his miniscule brain. With every pin, say out loud “ASK ME TO YOUR DAMN PROM MORON!”

He will ask you.

Guaranteed.